It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
