it's like iHOP with fire
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
