After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
