why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if only i could text you this smell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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