I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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