I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
