Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize