He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
