it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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