forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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