as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
