I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
