ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
