Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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