wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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