I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
