She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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