I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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