ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
