I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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