well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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