So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize