I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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