Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
