It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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