i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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