Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
