My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
