Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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