Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
