I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
