Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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