Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
