Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
