I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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