Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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