im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
