i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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