I think I am morally bankrupt
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
