I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
