Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
