Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
