There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize