2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
