A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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