Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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