Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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