just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
