omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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