Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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