I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
