I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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