a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
