How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
