Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
