there's paper in my vomit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
