you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
