Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Randomize
