dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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