finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
