So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We got so high we made milksteak
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
