oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
