do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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