i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
