apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
