My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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