New invention idea: vibrating tampons
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
