Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
