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i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
