oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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