i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize